Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Body Image

Like any other girl, I have struggled with body image my whole life. I have always thought that I stood out from my peers too much.

Being 5'6 tall at the time when I was only 13 years old, I was a giant compared to the other teeny tiny girls in my school. Because of my self-consciousness of my height, I automatically assumed I was FAT and BIG. Not only that, my built and my genes were a lot different than girls my own race. See, I'm Filipino and 99% of Filipinos are short, petite and THIN. Unlike me, who is, TALL, CURVY (darns those big hips of mine!) and NOT THIN. Being different, made me SUPER INSECURE.

Grade School Grad

Last year of high school

Modeling gig at around 13 yrs. old

Lately, I have been looking at pictures of me when I was in grade school and high school (Thanks to the tagged yearbook pics on facebook). I looked at myself and I thought, I LOOKED GREAT! What the hell was I thinking? I was not FAT at all! Yes, I was TALL, I towered over all the people in my school, even the boys. But I was not even close to being overweight. In fact, I want to look like I was exactly when I was 15 because I was probably 20 lbs. lighter than I am now.


Now, let's fast forward to post-baby. Boy, was I BIG. I never thought I could lose all that weight. I was so depressed after 3 or 4 months after my DD was born because Jessica Alba already posed bikini pictures of herself 2 or 3 months post-baby and I was still carrying 30 lbs of baby weight on me. (And I really dislike Jessica Alba just for the fact that my hubby had a crush on her during her 'Dark Angel' days, even though I loved the show myself). I got so fed-up with not having anything to wear other than yoga pants, that I finally decided to make proper use of those yoga pants instead of wearing them for everything else.

DD at 3 months old

It was a long journey of painful muscles, learning how to run, eat well and not succumbing to temptations. And after 5 months of living healthy and being fit, I was back into my skinny jeans. What I am most proud of now, is not the weight loss, but gaining the realization that REAL WOMEN don't lose 30 pounds the day their baby comes out. It is so screwed up that celebrities who just gave birth work out to death even before they are suppose to (Rule is check with the doctor or 60 days after birth). And they show off their amazing transformation to the world by saying 'I just ate healthy and did pilates', or something along those lines. In reality, I was a breast-feeding mama, who woke up every 2 to 3 hours to feed, with no Mom, friends or nannies to help me out. I could barely find time to sleep or make dinner, let alone workout.

Now (I didn't realize my hubby was in the background until I uploaded this)

Today, I am happy to say that I love my body that way it is. I have a realistic expectations and goals about my health and where I want to be fitness wise. Looking thin just comes second, it's how I feel that matters.

Right now, I feel healthy although a bit weak because my lack of workouts. So, I am just striving for that great 'I FEEL SO STRONG ' feeling rather than obsessing about the scale. Honestly, I haven't looked in the scale for 2 months now but my smallest sized jeans still fit, so that's a good sign.

I love to hear some of your thoughts about body image and maybe even some stories your willing to share similar to mine. It's going to be a long wonderful weekend coming and I just want to greet you all a


My weekend is jampacked with church Easter celebrations, a birthday party, Youth Church event and half day work in the office on Saturday! Wish me luck getting a workout in. But I will sure try my best and let you know how it will all go down.

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